


boy, i'd love a hand to hold (is yours still for me?)

by elz_delz



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Canon, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, i really don't know how to tag this honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27268249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elz_delz/pseuds/elz_delz
Summary: To: Pvt. Barnes, James B.2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. RegFrom: Dorothy Barnes188 Dean St.Brooklyn, NY7th November, 1942Dearest Bucky,Come back! I miss you already, and you've only been gone for a week. If I have to listen to her complain about how 'Bucky's the only one in this damn family who cares about me!' one more time, I'm going to kill her. It's gotten close, and I would've done it if Steve hadn't stopped me.Letters sent and received by Pvt. Barnes, James B. during his time at Basic Training, spanning from November 1942 to June 1943-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A very self-indulgent pre-war, pre-canon fic
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	boy, i'd love a hand to hold (is yours still for me?)

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from 'Please Be Mine' by Molly Burch.
> 
> fic will be updated frequently, with no particular schedule but will definitely conclude before the year is up. one chapter will be one month of letters.

_**To: Pvt. Barnes, James B.** _

_**2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg** _

_**From: Dorothy Barnes** _

_**188 Dean St.** _

_**Brooklyn, NY** _

_**7th November, 1942** _

_Dearest Bucky,_

_Come back! I miss you already, and you've only been gone for a week. If I have to listen to her complain about how 'Bucky's the only one in this damn family who cares about me!' one more time, I'm going to kill her. It's gotten close, and I would've done it if Steve hadn't stopped me._

_Speaking of Steve, did something happen to the two of you? He came around yesterday to give me the FOUR PAIRS OF SOCKS you'd forgotten (honestly, Bucky, how could you forget all your socks in the middle of winter? I hope your toes have already snapped off) and I'd asked if he'd written you yet. He couldn't even look me in the eye! What idiot thing did you say to him before you left? He's been antsy this past week, too- came back from Newark on Tuesday with another 4F. Was that it? Did you tell him he's better off at home? There are some things you don't say to Steven G. Rogers, Bucky, and telling him he can't do something is one of them!_

_Anyway, the girls at the boarding house are thinking of making penpals of soldiers, only problem being that they don't actually know any. As soon as they found out we had a brother away at basic, they begged us for some men to write to. Preferably handsome, preferably unattached. If you've made any friends yet (of course you have, you'd make friends with a lamppost if it could talk back) and they're interested, put it in your next letter._

_I've got a job with Mr. Goldstein now, just some secretarial work. It pays enough to keep me and Alice out of the streets, so don't you worry about us. I've even got enough to start putting together a Christmas package for you! If you want anything specific, please do tell me SOON so that I don't forget. Like socks, maybe. Don't feel bad about not sending any money over, by the way. I know you're still helping Steve out with the rent and his medicine and such, and I'd much rather see him safe and out of harm's way than see Alice in a new skirt she doesn't need._

_The only one of your sisters with a brain,_

_Dottie_

_P.S, I'm sorry for the above inquiry. The girls were looming over my shoulder like Death himself and I couldn't say no. Ignore it if you want. Please ignore it. Or find the ugliest, nastiest men you can and give me their names. I'm sure I'll get a kick out of Joan Willis not realising her new 'sweetheart' is a complete meathead._

**_To: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_From: Alice Barnes_ **

**_188 Dean St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_7th November, 1942_ **

_Bucky,_

_Why did you have to leave?! The army can stand to lose one soldier, but I can't stand to lose my brother. You're the only one in this damn family who actually cares about me! Dottie's been absolutely insufferable. All the girls at the house go out a few nights a week, except for me and Dottie. I keep telling her, it's only a quarter to get into the dance halls, and it's not like we have to pay for our own drinks or anything! I think it's important to let a young woman such as myself go out and have fun, but Dottie disagrees. She says it's more important to work hard, but it's not my fault no one wants to hire me! I even went to that art store you and Steve used to work and asked them if they had any jobs for me. It was horrible, by the way. I couldn't stop sneezing, it was so dusty, so I don't know how Steve used to do it. I'm surprised he didn't have an attack and drop dead. Not that I want him to drop dead, but you get the point!_

_Oh, and the girls and I would like to know if there are any soldiers with no one to write to. You wouldn't know what it's like, you've got me and Dottie and Steve and Becca writing, but I can't imagine how horrible it is for the men with no one! It's imperative to keep morale up, that's what Joan says. She's much more fun than Dottie._

_Try and keep safe, Bucky. I can't imagine how horrible basic must be. Don't tell me. I'm sure I'll gag at the first mention of push ups. Write back soon._

_Your favourite sister,_

_Alice_

**_To: Dorothy Barnes_ **

**_188 Dean St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_From: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_14th November, 1942_ **

_Dottie and Alice (yes, both of you; I don't have much paper to spare),_

_Thank you for your letters. Alice, you were right; it is nice to hear from home. I'm glad you're both doing well. _

_Congrats on the job, Dot! Goldstein's a good man, I'm glad you're smart enough to get work somewhere you'll be safe. Are you sure you don't need me to send some of my pay, though? It won't be enough to buy a fancy new skirt for nights out, but I'm sure it'll be enough to get you something nice for Christmas. You deserve it._

_Alice, listen to Dottie. She's got the right of it. I'm not saying you should never go out dancing, just that you should take it easy. Maybe every couple of weeks instead of a couple of times a week. And if you do, make sure to stick close to your friends. There are a lot of nasty guys out there who won't ask to dance- or do worse. I just want you to be safe. I'll take you out dancing when I come home, how does that sound?_

_I'm not going to bore you with any details, but basic is kicking my ass right now. It's not so different from working down at the docks, but my CO is an absolute monster. I'm pretty sure I'll be as deaf as Steve by the time I get out. He's got a foghorn for a voice, just like Mrs. O'Sullivan. Do you remember her? I think you were only about four when she died, Alice, so I'm not sure if you do._

_Dottie, it would be great if you could send over the socks I forgot. You're right, my toes are about to fall right off. I don't need much else, but if you could slip a few pulps and a couple of Butterfingers it'd be much appreciated._

_Your brother,_

_Bucky_

_P.S, All the guys in my regiment have sweethearts back home, with the exception of Albert H. Harrison. Dottie, he's per your specifications. I'm sure Joan'll love him._

**_To: S. Rogers_ **

**_1028 Bridge St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_From: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_14th November, 1942_ **

_Dear S,_

_I'm sorry about what I did. It was stupid, and I know now that I shouldn't have. But we've been friends for ages, and I don't want what I did to get in the way of us being pals. I got letters from Dottie and Alice last week, and it was nice to hear from home, but I would've preferred if I heard from you instead._

_Please write back. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd like it if you did. I can't stand you not talking to me._

_Your friend,_

_B_

**_To: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_From: S. Rogers_ **

**_1028 Bridge St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_20th November, 1942_ **

_B,_

_I'm not mad at you. I was just confused, is all._

_~~I~~ _ _~~didn't think~~ _

_~~I thought you liked~~ _

_~~You aren't~~ _

~~_I've love_ ~~

_We've been friends for years and you've never given me any indication that we could have been more. You had all those girls, so forgive me if I thought that meant you wouldn't ever look at me that way._

_You shouldn't regret what you did, just that you didn't do it sooner._

_Yours,_

_S_

**_To: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_From: Rebecca Proctor_ **

**_188 Dean St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_20th November, 1942_ **

_Bucky,_

_Socks sent. They should be in the package attached to this letter, unless some klepto office employee has decided to steal them. Don't know what they'd want with socks more hole than wool, though. Really, Bucky, ma would be ashamed._

_I'm assuming your esteemed Albert Harrison is a Grade-A ass. Thank you! And thank you for putting Alice in her place- she doesn't listen to me, surprisingly. I did manage to get her a job with Mr. Goldstein, though. Just some courier work around the neighbourhood. She doesn't walk, don't worry; she uses Rudy's old bike. Is he at the same camp as you? He left around the same time, but I'm not sure how the army work so forgive me if it was stupid to assume that. It would be nice to have someone from home to talk to around there, though._

_Alice's new job means that she can't write, apparently. Physically, that is, not just mentally. I didn't realise that riding a bike required hands to that extent. Anyway, she's going to dictate to me and I'll write it down. Get used to this, unless she wants to ask you something that absolutely cannot go through me._

_Alice: I miss you (x7)! I'd give up dancing forever if it meant you'd be able to come home. If stupid Hitler were here, I'd sock him so hard the war would end and you wouldn't have to go away. Jean says thank you for Albert's name. She's just gotten his letter and says he sounds very nice. I only got a glimpse of it when she brought it out to show off, but I don't think his writing looks very neat. All the mean boys in class had horrible writing. Not like Steve. He's got the nicest writing in the world. Don't put that part in, Dottie, or I'll kill you. (I told her I didn't and am still alive. Good thing she didn't check.)_

_Take care, don't do anything stupid._

_Your sisters,_

_Dottie and Alice_

_**T** _ _**o: Pvt. Barnes, James B.** _

_**2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg** _

_**From: Rebecca Proctor** _

_**1040 Neville St.** _

_**Terre Haute, IN** _

_**24th November, 1942** _

_James Buchanan Barnes,_

_How is it that I only heard about you being shipped out to basic? Is that how you treat your favourite sister? It's been almost a month, and I didn't hear anything about it until Steve's letter arrived._

_Henry's told me about how tough basic can be, though I don't think you'll have as much a problem with it as he did. I love him, I do, but I don't think accountants make very good soldiers. Is there anything you need now that you're there? I know how forgetful you can be sometimes, so tell me if there's anything you forgot to pack. Nora Smulders (neighbour from down the road) just got a telegram the other day. It's horrible, and she's not the only woman on the street who's gotten that kind of news. She's got four children to raise on her own and no way of supporting herself. We all try to help, of course, but there's not enough to go around at the minute. She_ is _selling off his old clothes for cheap, though, and most of it is still good to wear. It might seem strange at first, having to wear a dead man's clothes, but it's war. We can't afford to be picky._

_Georgie said his first word! Thought I'd slip in a bit of happiness to brighten things up. I think he meant to say 'food' but it came out more like 'foo'. I can't help but be a little disappointed it wasn't 'mama' to be completely honest, but I can't imagine anything can be worse than what Alice said! God, do you remember ma's face when she opened her little mouth and said, clear as day, 'shit!' I honestly thought she was going to kill dad that day._

_Write back soon and keep safe._

_Lots of love,_

_Becca_

**_To: S. Rogers_ **

**_1028 Bridge St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_From: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_28th November, 1942_ **

_S,_

_Do you really mean that? Fuck, I feel like such a mook. I've borrowed one of the guyses lighters to write this, by the way, so I hope you appreciate the effort I'm putting in for you. Post came late, right after dinner, but I couldn't wait to write after I read your letter. I had to trade a month of cigarettes for the thing. Worth it, though._

_I know it must've been a little strange, being friends all these years and then having me plant one on you the moment I'm due to ship out. ~~I just...~~ I couldn't help it, you get me? There you were, being you, and I just thought, what if this is my last time seeing ~~him~~ you? It's war, after all. I could die out there without ever telling you how I really feel. I really did just mean to tell you that I loved you, not practically maul you like I did. Sorry about that, by the way. _

_But it's true. I've loved you since I had to scrape you off the sidewalk in '25. I know you had 'em on the ropes, doll, but I thought a little extra help couldn't hurt. And when I get home, I'll make up for those eighteen years I coulda spent kissing you._

_You might have to wait a little while, though. Turns out I'm amazingly brilliant at hitting things with bullets from a really long way away. They're thinking about sending me off for even more training, which means I'll probably be a bit longer getting back to you than I'd like. At least I'll be safe for a little while longer. I can't imagine that the front is kind to anyone, even the best marksman in a regiment._

_Yours,_

_Bucky_

_P.S, thanks for bringing my socks over for Dot to send. I always knew Jersey was a shithole, I just didn't think it would be so goddamned cold._

**_To: Dorothy Barnes_ **

**_188 Dean St._ **

**_Brooklyn, NY_ **

**_From: Pvt. Barnes, James B._ **

**_2nd PLT B / 107th Inf. Reg_ **

**_29th November, 1942_ **

_Dottie and Alice_

_Socks! I'm forever in your debt._

_Good on you, Alice, for getting an actual job. I wonder if you'll still have it by the time this letter gets to you. Think of all the skirts or lipsticks or whatever you want you can get without having to nag Dottie for them! I'll send over some of my pay for Christmas so you can (both!) get something nice for yourselves. Most of it still has to go to the apartment and Steve, sorry about that, but I'm sure you'll make do until I get back home. Now that would be a real gift, wouldn't it? I don't know how you can stand any more than a week without seeing my ugly mug up close._

_Not to bore you or anything, but it turns out I have a knack for shooting things. I'm the best marksman in my entire regiment, and there's talk about me going on for additional training after this. I really hope it's just that. Just talk. I don't wanna spend any longer away from home than I have to. I did promise to take Alice out dancing, after all._

_Dottie, if it wouldn't be too much to ask, could you send me over a box of something edible? The food here's ~~shit~~ terrible, and I'd kill for some biscuits or anything that doesn't make me want to throw myself off a cliff. I even miss Steve's cooking! That should tell you something about how horrible things are here. I'm pretty sure they don't even feed the POWs this stuff. War crimes, and all that. _

_Your brother,_

_Bucky_

_P.S, Harrison is surprisingly mellow these days. Not so prone to being a giant meathead. I've suddenly got a much longer list of men I can send over. Just say the word. It'll be nice not having to room with a bunch of cavemen._

**Author's Note:**

> i tried my best to make a believable timeline, but idk. i know for a fact basic was 18-14 weeks, with additional training for NCOs (like bucky will eventually become) ranging from 1-4 months depending on what source I read. I decided to round everything out to an even six months, so the beginning of November to june 14th, when the stark expo at the beginning of catfa is set.
> 
> let me know what you guys think of this fic/format/etc!


End file.
